Adjusting to a Family of Four

Hi friends! It’s been a whirlwind the past few weeks. I sort of threw in the towel the last month of my pregnancy because I was pretty uncomfortable. Weeks 36-39  were marked by discomfort, insomnia, sciatic pain, nesting, cramming in work and spending time with Braden before we added our baby girl to the mix.

On Wednesday, June 27, 2018 at 7:49 a.m., we welcomed baby Emmaline to our family. Weighing in at a surprising 8 lbs. 12 oz. and 21 inches, she has been a really good baby so far, sleeping 80% of the day. Braden was 8 lbs 1 oz. and 20.25 inches,  so I was shocked when the nurse said her weight. I was exactly 39 weeks when she was born and Braden was born at 39 weeks 4 days. I gained 35 lbs. with this pregnancy, which is a couple more pounds than with Braden, but I guess being 5′ 10,  I’m just destined to have bigger babies. And, I ate a lot of ice cream this go-round.

So, my sweet Emmaline has been a good eater and sleeping like a champ. At one week, I googled if it was normal for a baby to sleep 20 hours a day because Braden was pretty alert from the beginning. He was a good baby overall, but he had longer periods of alertness. We didn’t see much of her eyes the first week, but she is starting to stay awake for longer pockets now. She has blue eyes like her brother did, which I absolutely love. Braden’s changed around 5 months. She also looks more Asian than I anticipated but again, that’s something I love.  I adore mixed babies. 😉 At our 2 week pediatrician appointment, the pedi warned  us that she might start a period of fussiness at three weeks since babies tend to go through a growth spurt at that time. She was 9 lbs. last week at this visit, so she’s doing really well overall.  I think I am starting to see this three week change already (she’ll officially be three weeks in two days) but it’s still very manageable. Ben did leave today for a work trip, which does stress me out a bit because he truly is hands-on, particularly at night, which makes the night feeds and pumping easier on my end, but I will just have to adjust. My MIL is here to help  since I need to be getting back to work and need support during the day.

I thought I’d do a quick Q&A of many of the same questions I keep getting from family and friends.

What’s her full name and how you’d come up with that?

Emmaline Felicity Lucas. Emmaline is pronounced “Emma-lynn.”  I always knew I’d likely make Felicity her middle name as that is a name I’ve loved for years. Not going to lie…it’s partially because I loved that name because of the American Girl doll, but also because Felicity, the show that ran from 1998- 2002, is my all-time favorite show. Emmaline was pretty much the only name Ben and I could agree on. Per the norm with most guys and with Ben, I would suggest something and he would crap on most of my ideas. This name, not so much, so it was the winner.  Also, growing up, my parents called me Lynn. Not sure why, and they are the only ones who called me that, so I liked integrating that into her name since it’s a part of me. We also asked Braden and he said he liked it. For now, we are trying to stick with using her full name, but I am not opposed to her being called “Emma” later if that’s what she wants.

How was your delivery?

I had a scheduled c-section this time around based on my medical history, per the recommendation of my OB.  I ended up laboring/pushing for 5+ hours with Braden in the hospital (after pretty much starting labor at home 10 hours prior to that which I didn’t realize until I called my dr at 4:30pm in a Friday describing my painful cramps- ha! ) I had no idea what labor felt like andhad it in my head that I was going in for an induction on Monday, so was sort of in denial when I went into labor on Friday. Ultimately, my first pregnancy resulted in an emergency c-section because he pretty much got stuck. Also, I learned during my second pregnancy after extensive testing and procedures that I have a tilted uterus, so it’s sort of an uphill battle for me to deliver a baby. TMI, but that’s the easiest way to describe it. With Braden, I got to the hospital dilated at 7.5 cm so everyone thought it was going to happen quickly, but because he was trying to come out forehead first (which is wider than coming out head first) he got stuck despite all my efforts. I stayed up all night trying to push, but because his heart rate was going up, my heart rate was going up, plus I was getting so tired that I needed oxygen, so a c-section was the best way to get him out. Looking back, I was a bit surprised at my outcome and even a tad disappointed that I couldn’t have a “regular” vaginal birth, despite me being in pretty good shape. I worked out about 3-4x per week while pregnant with Braden. But, you just never know how things are going to turn out despite your best intentions and plans. I am very happy I got a healthy baby boy out of it, and I don’t view my deliveries as failures by any means.

Words of advice for anyone who wants to give their opinion about birthing via c-section

A c-section is not the easy way out. When someone tells you they have a c-section, don’t say, “Aww, I’m sorry.” There is nothing to be sorry about. The appropriate thing to say when someone has a baby no matter how the baby got here is “Congrats!” Yes, I know it’s major abdominal surgery.  I have two healthy babies, both delivered via c-section and it’s all worth it. A scheduled c-section is 10x better than an unplanned one. Recovery for my first was pretty brutal since I labored for so long then went into surgery. I didn’t get out of bed until day 3 after having Braden.  My dad was in tears when he saw me after I had Braden because I was exhausted and in pain. A friend recently told me I looked like I was in a car accident the first time, but looked so much better this time. Ha, gotta love friends who can just speak the truth so freely.

How did an unplanned c-section for your first differ from a planned c-section for your second baby?

Second time, it’s not nearly as bad. I am nearly 3 weeks post-delivery now and experiencing some nerve pain now from the nerves reconnecting, but I’m done with all my prescribed pain killers and have some abdominal soreness.  Overall, it’s all pretty manageable. Also, the first week or so, I think I would start to feel better so I would get up more and walk the stairs a couple more times, and then  would be really sore the next day. I have learned that I need to take it a little more easy. It’s definitely harder with a nearly 4-year-old running around, and I’m the type of person who is constantly trying to multi-task by throwing in a load of laundry here and there, or get out of bed a few times to go get the baby in the middle of the night.  I’ve had to be more mindful and just cut back on these things. I can also tell that I get worn out easily. I went to three parties on Sat. and was on my feet more than normal so I was definitely sore the next day.

My incision is in the same place, and maybe a tad bigger now by an inch, but it’s not that bad and healing pretty well.  I wore a bikini after Braden and it was easy to cover up, and I hope I can get there after this pregnancy, too (with some sweaty spin and gym sessions!). Again, I have no regrets. I think so many women are so hard on themselves post-baby, lamenting on what their bodies once were and feeling ashamed of a little pooch or stretch marks from birthing a human or two. I’m fortunate in that I didn’t have any stretch marks, but I’m also realistically giving myself a little grace as I know my abs will likely never be what they once were. I’m okay with that.

Are you nursing and how’s that going?

I am pretty much exclusively pumping for Emmaline. I tried multiple times to nurse her and met with 4 different lactation consultants in the hospital who all said the same thing. I was approaching things correctly, but Emmaline did not have a good latch, and I stopped trying after about a week and a half at home. She would get so fussy and was sort of lazy when I tried to nurse her. Also, I will spare you the details of damage she did to me the first few days, as I tried to get her to latch.  Not going to lie — I’m not the biggest fan of breastfeeding. I found it very time-consuming with Braden, and I switched to exclusive pumping after about 7 weeks with him because it was so much more efficient. Pumping can be a lot of work, but I want her to have the nutritional benefits for at least 6 months, which is what I did for Braden. I also have given her 2 oz. of formula here and there since she was in the hospital and my milk was slower to come in. I did this because she was a little jaundice and formula can help with this.

I think it’s so sad when people are so judgmental about how you feed your baby. I think we all know there are definite benefits to breastfeeding but for some women it’s incredibly difficult to the point of  having an emotional breakdown or some women simply can’t do it. A happy mom is best in my opinion. Plus, I’m not sure why it’s anyone’s business to give you advice on what to do with your boobs. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on any special bonding with my kid because she is breastfeeding. I find bottle feeding to be more efficient, and it allows my husband to be more involved, too.

How has Braden been with having  a baby sister?

Honestly, he’s not that interested. He’s displayed some jealous tendencies. He has pretty much been an only child for 4 years, so for all of this attention to be on the the baby is probably hard on him. Ben has taken on more of Braden’s caretaking, particularly with bedtime, but Braden pretty much prefers Ben anyway. They have such a special bond and Braden is such a mini engineer/builder just like his dad already. We’ve tried to make Braden feel special the last few weeks by having some one-on-one time, getting him treats to celebrate his big brother status. He is starting to get more involved with feeding her or fetching things for us that the baby needs. Braden is also a a bit more whiny than normal, but I think it’s because he senses the change in our family so he’s sort of acting out a bit. I don’t think anything we’re experiencing is out of the ordinary, so we’re just trying to figure it out one day at a time.

Is it so much harder with two?

I think we’re still trying to figure it out, but I don’t think it’s that much harder. Perhaps we just feel more relaxed because we know what we’re doing now after having Braden.

How has maternity leave been this time around?

With Braden, I took a full three months off where I didn’t check email or do any work since I had some maternity benefits and that is what FMLA would allow me to do. Now that I work myself and have my own company, I can’t really do that unless I hire someone to do all my work for me, which I don’t want to do. I do have someone helping me with some client work on a part-time basis so I don’t have to feel so tethered to my computer and can enjoy my time with Emmaline. But, I pretty much took less than 2 weeks off from most work this time and I still read and responded to some emails in the hospital. I started getting back into the swing of things last week when Emmaline was two weeks old. I’m not working 40 hours, but I still have to do work. I wouldn’t change my work situation at all because I love that I have a flexible schedule where I can work from home.

This picture was taken at 37 weeks. I took maternity pics at 31 weeks in my last pregnancy, which I would probably recommend to anyone. I felt huge and looked more swollen than I would have liked, but I am glad we have a few pictures of our family before Emmaline entered this big world. I’m still so amazed she’s here and at the miracle of childbirth. I’m so thankful for this little family of mine!