We feel blessed to be adding to our little family! I’ve been a little quiet  online because life has been a mix of the eventful and uneventful the past few weeks. Adding another child to our family is something we’ve wanted for awhile. I know Braden will be the best big brother, and he has already been setting aside some broken toys and books with ripped pages for this little baby (how generous of him!) after telling him that he will have to share some of his things. 😉

I’ll hit the 22-week mark tomorrow, and I’m due July 4th. I’m genuinely happy and feel so, so thankful to be pregnant. However, I have to be honest and say that this pregnancy has not been all sunshine and roses for me. I’ve experienced a lot of anxiety this time around, and although I’m feeling so much better about everything, I still have my moments where I go down the rabbit hole of “what ifs” almost waiting for something bad to happen because I’m scarred from my last pregnancy. Part of the reason why I’ve been a bit quiet about this pregnancy has a lot to do with fear. I mentioned here and again in  this post, but we lost a baby girl in Dec. 2016 when I was pretty far along in my pregnancy. I pretty much have PTSD from that experience, and I was definitely anxious the first trimester this time around. And, nauseous. Oh my gosh, the nausea and food aversions are so much worse this time. Bless my husband for being a trooper through it all and for being the most hands-on dad imaginable.

At 13 weeks, at the end of December, I had a scare that landed me in the ER that made me even more anxious and put me on bedrest for almost six weeks. I don’t use the word “blessed” very often, but I don’t really know how else to describe how I feel to be expecting a baby after everything we’ve been through.

Here’s my story that’s led  me to where I am today, which is on my way to expecting a healthy baby. This is something  both Ben and I don’t  take for granted.

I went to the Texas Bowl game in Houston at NRG stadium at the end of Dec. with friends. I visited my OB that afternoon and all looked good with the baby, and I heard a strong heartbeat. I even had the conversation with her about how my chances of miscarriage at that point were pretty slim. I had no symptoms and no pain. I felt a sense of relief to be moving in a positive direction and to almost be in the second trimester. This wasn’t my first visit with my OB, as I was very honest about my anxiety after the way my second pregnancy turned out. That evening while in a crowd of thousands of people waiting to go up an escalator, I felt something strange. I was with my sweet friend Jeanette and thank goodness I was, as I don’t know what I would have done if I were by myself. I basically starting hemorrhaging. It’s a very scary feeling to look down and realize you’re standing in a puddle of blood and you’re covered in it. We rushed against the crowd so I could find a bathroom. I had never experienced anything like this, but I thought for sure I must be having a miscarriage. I was a bit in state of shock. I went into a bathroom and kept telling my friend I felt certain I was having a miscarriage and she called 911. Strangers were seeing the state I was in, the puddle of blood I was standing in and the mess I was creating. People were handing me paper towels and trying to offer comforting words all while my friend was on the phone with 911. We had taken an Uber there, and it was so crowded since it was about 15 minutes to the start of the game, so taking an ambulance to the hospital was really my only option unless I wanted to try to get an Uber and basically ruin someone’s car.

While in the bathroom, I was trying to call my husband who was out of town for work. I accidently dialed my mother-in-law instead since she was one of my recent Facetime calls. I Facetimed dialed my MIL while I was in the bathroom freaking out. I hear her voice start talking asking if I’m ok. Pretty sure most people do NOT want to Facetime with their MIL during that type of situation and told her to hang up because I was not ok and couldn’t talk. Of course, I scared her and she called my husband who then called me, and I told him I thought I was losing the baby. He was trying to calm me down and told me he would call my OB office emergency line and he’d call me right back. My OB happened to be on call, and he spoke with her, and she called me within a minute or two and she instructed me to get myself to the ER. She told me that if I was having a miscarriage, there was probably nothing that could be done to stop it, but with all the blood I was losing, I needed to get myself to the ER ASAP. Thankfully, NRG stadium is close to the med center, and my friend already called so it was just a matter of us getting to the ambulance. This was a crowded environment, but I felt fine to walk so we found the ambulance and they drove us to the ER. On our walk to the ambulance, I called my husband back and told him to get on a flight and come home, which he was already making arrangements to do. He was able to leave work quickly and catch the last flight out of Midland at 8pm to get to Houston by 9pm.

We rode to the hospital, and I was admitted really quickly and they immediately did an ultrasound. We saw the baby moving around and heard a strong heartbeat. I was so emotional at this point, crying out of relief and shock because I had convinced myself I had lost the baby at that point. After some of other testing and about 2.5 hours in the ER, the bleeding seemed to finally slow down and the ER doctor said it was a subchorionic hemorrhage. Basically, blood was collecting between the uterine wall and chorionic membrane.  Some people have this and it’s why some women spot during pregnancy; my situation was different in that it sort of just collected and released all at once. Before leaving the ER, I had another sonogram to see the baby and hear the heartbeat. The doctor said he was surprised the baby was fine considering how much blood I lost. I was so relieved, but at the same time, still very emotional about the situation. My other good friend Katie skipped the game and came to the ER to be there with Jeanette and me. At that point, Ben had landed and it made sense for him to go home since we were about to leave the ER. We had a sitter for Braden that night, so Ben just ended up going straight home to relieve the sitter, and Katie drove me and Jeanette home. I am so grateful for my friends for being with me that night.

I was told to follow up with my OB the next day and instructed to stay on bedrest. After about a week on bedrest, my doctor said I could get up a bit more, but still take it easy. So, about a week after my ER visit, I had another episode of bleeding – much less severe, but still concerning — when I was out and about shopping with Ben, so at that point, I had to go back on strict bedrest. At my 15 week visit when I was doing an ultrasound, I guess the baby was getting big enough so more things could be seen. At that visit, I was diagnosed with placenta previa. This occurs when the placenta partially or totally covers the mother’s cervix – the outlet for the uterus. I am not a medical professional so I won’t get into all of this, but it causes severe bleeding for the mother, and depending on the severity of it can impact the pregnancy and delivery differently and put me at risk of hemorrhaging. After discussing best and worst case scenarios, bedrest at home became my new focus all to avoid hospital bedrest and danger for me and the baby.

There’s no rhyme or reason to why this happened, but pretty much just bad luck.  I was told to stay on strict bedrest until the baby grew bigger.  Bedrest means being in bed or sitting. No walking around, doing chores or standing for long periods. When you have 3.5-year-old and a husband who is typically gone half the month, this isn’t ideal by any means. I had to stop lifting Braden and adjust how I interacted with him because I couldn’t lift anything (or anyone) heavy, so no more picking up my 32 lb. baby to snuggle when he asked. Ben was home for three weeks right after it happened taking the best care of our little family. My mom came and stayed with me as well once Ben went back to work for two weeks. I was on bedrest for a total of 6 weeks.

At this point, my restrictions have recently been lifted to be on “light activity” since having a recent sonogram that showed the previa seems to be shifting. A partial or marginal previa often goes away or doesn’t cause the complications that a complete previa does. So, I will continue to be monitored a little more closely, but the MFM (maternal fetal medicine) doctor I saw believes the previa will go away or continue to be a partial previa, which is a much better scenario. So, things seem to be moving in a positive direction, which is a huge relief.

Bedrest was hard for me, as I am not a sedentary person, and I just got achy sitting around all day. I haven’t been able to exercise at all  during this pregnancy, which is atypical for me. Bedrest has given me a lot of time to think and worry, which isn’t healthy, I know. I even bought a heartbeat baby monitor so I can check the baby’s heartbeat regularly for more peace of mind. I’ve prayed a lot during all of this, hoping for a healthy baby, and I know that has helped given me some peace about the situation. I’ve had a lot of family and friends praying for our family, and I appreciate it immensely. I truly feel blessed that we are moving toward having a healthy baby.

Now that I work from home, I was still able to continue with my work, but I did have to pull back on some things and cancel some meetings. This was frustrating for me as someone who is working to start up a business, but I knew it was for the best. I had to live day by day for a while or I would get too far down a rabbit hole of fear and anxiety. I am so glad I transitioned to working from home as I am much less stressed with the environment and schedule I now have, plus it gave me the flexibility I needed to stick to bedrest.

I don’t think I’ve been able to enjoy this pregnancy yet since I’ve been stressed, but I am starting to get there. We really are so, so happy to be adding to our family.  Both Ben and I dreamed of a future with two children, and I feel grateful we’re on our way to completing our family. We do know the gender, but we’re keeping that to ourselves for a bit longer, but we’ll reveal soon.  I’ll try to provide more updates as things progress.

More soon!

LL

Photos by Katie Hill Photography